I am sad. Upon arriving home from the house tour yesterday, I found an email from the husband of a college friend letting me know that she passed away on Tuesday. He realized that I was unlikely to have heard it from anyone else and wanted to make sure we knew. She and I emailed on an infrequent basis but read each other's blogs. Hers had been silent for two months, and now I know why. I did not going to the visitations at the funeral home, but will be going to the funeral tomorrow morning.
I am tired. I have gotten two good nights of sleep this weekend, one uninterrupted and one interrupted. But I am still tired and trying not to get sick.
I am emotional. On top of the news of my friend, I am worried for my friends who are adopting, I am feeling blessed by all the things I have in my life and I am constantly trying to balance my time between my family, my friends, my activities and my job. Something is going to have to give soon.
I am in constant motion and yet feel bogged down. I am behind at work and the house is a mess. Yet I can't fix everything at once and when I am with Heather and R, I want to focus on them and forget all of the things on my "to do" list. There are too many things on that list that I never get to (thank you notes for the June shower, cards to friends who have lost loved ones this year, finishing projects for Heather's room, planning household renovations, etc). There are important things on that list that I never get to. Something is going to have to give soon.
Basically I am just keeping my head above water, but I know that I need to enjoy life, take care of myself and my family, and focus on those things that really matter. I will be trying very hard this week (after I grieve) to spend my work time being focused, so I can get caught up and let that particular weight off my shoulders. Then maybe with the upcoming 3-day weekend I can get back to those important things on the to-do list and not feel like such a "bad" friend anymore.
I apologize if this is a depressing post. Please don't worry about me. I will be fine. I know I will. I just need to use this moment to understand what is important and move forward the best way I can for myself and my family. I need to clear out the clutter (figuratively and literally) and figure out what is going to give.
Thanks for reading my ramblings. I promise we will return to a less emotionally-charged blog soon. :-)